I get asked this question a lot. I’m not sure if it’s my age, or what…but I don’t quite get why it’s such a big deal. On the other hand, I ask myself this occasionally too. And I wonder if it’s because I’m selfish. I do like things to be done my way. I’ve lived alone for so long I’m not sure I could ever share space with someone. My cat is trial enough!
It would be nice to have somone. I think. But, it always comes down to that “I’m not willing to settle” thing. The other night I had conversation with a guy I’ve known for about 4 years. He was married when we met, and when he divorced we fooled around a bit. We became “bed buddies”. Friends that sleep together occasionally. More friends than lovers though. I admit, I never wanted anything more from him than that. But over the last 4 years I’ve watched him, date for about a month, fall in love, then fall out of love, then date, now he’s in love again. And not once in the four years, did it occur to him that I might want more.
You see, over time, I realized what a nice guy he is. Truly a nice guy. And while I never fell hard for him, I would’ve been very interested in dating him, and seeing how things went. But, despite the fact that every time HE asked me why I was still single and I answered with “Guys just don’t ask me out.” He never got the hint. HE never asked me out.
So, when he called the other night to chat, I knew either he was a) horny or b) in love with someone else. It was B. He wanted to tell me about this wonderful woman. I asked him why in his “dating times” he never asked me out. his reply. “Honestly, it never occurred to me.”
That sort of hurt.
Yeah, I could’ve asked him out. And I did, very casually a couple of times, but he always said no, (Or never replied to my email). He thought of me as a friend. I could’ve been more obvious. I know this too. And he probably would’ve said yes. However, I’d like a man who looks at me and wants me. One that looks and me and wants to ask me out. Not one that it never occurs to unless I do it.
Have I asked guys out before? Yup. When I feel a strong attraction and he hasn’t stepped up, I will. But not a guy that I’ve known for years, and been over looked by. I’m not sure why I’m blabbing about this. I’m not upset, or even more than a touch hurt that he didn’t see me as more than a friend and occassional bedmate. I think I’m talking about it because I’m Not that hurt by it. I guess I sort of wonder if I’m getting a bit too emotionally closed off. I don’t want to be that way, but at times, it does feel so.
And am I strange in the way that I often feel it’s easier to spill my guts on here than to tell a day-to -day friend in person??
Well Sasha, as the guy you are taking about, no I don’t think you’ve become emotionally closed off. You shared these very feelings with me when we chatted. Though your words seem less “tempered” here, the message was the same. As I honestly said the other night, “Thank you for opening my eyes annd sorry for being such a shmuck”. I guess I know what should be done if/when I am unattached again. Men. We’re so dim sometimes.
And am I strange inthe way that I often feel it’s easier to spill my guts on here than to tell a day-to -day friend in person??
nope , i rather tell some1 on here something than even talk to some1 i know,
and being closed off emtionally, am there at most of the times, i have cut myself off from getting hurt , ive never been married , though ive live with the father of 2 of my chldren , but nothing is there for us, at most we avoid each other, :fight::fight:and we sleep in sep bedrooms, for yrs. i dont know if i could ever open myself up to men again. why do i stay? he is dying
he knows thats why im here and man aint much worse than to have to take care of some1 ive hated for yrs:cursing:
so sassy sasha , enjoy life, enjoy your freedom and quit a hunting for something, it will find you when u no longer searching
Dennis! No worries. You know how it is…and just so you know. I DO hope things work out for you and the new woman. You deserve some happiness.
Tami. You’ve got all sorts of strength! I hope things work out for you personally, in the end!
Sasha, I’m sure Dennis is a nice guy, but he’s the wrong guy. (Sorry Dennis) The right one doesn’t need coaching. It’s just :love: .
As a man (I think) I am going to tell you that the problem is just as you wrote it……. guys don’t get the hint…..HINTS…… just come out and say it. If a man wants a date, he’s got to ASK for one. It sucks and subjects us to rejection and public humiliation, but it’s the only way to achieve our result. Why don’t woman do the same. Enough with the hints… just say it…. SAY IT……..
Want some….. come get some !!!!!
Os
Not sure if my last comment came through.. but I posted a comment on my blog to this…
Someone will come Sasha, when it’s the right time. It’s obviously not the right time.
I know, cuz I’m in the same boat. I want someone in my life, but I”m not bummed that I don’t. And it seems I won’t make an effort, so I really must not really want someone. I guess I”m still waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet…
Sasha, thanks for your post (I found it through a link and I’ll be checking your blog from now on!). I know not wanting to settle…I have my own version of Dennis. I wonder whether I’m not recognizing that he’s as good a man as there is out for me, or whether recognizing that he is a nice guy *is* settling.