When I was a kid, and a teenager… I wanted love. I thinkI was the only virgin in my high school graduating class. I had several friends with kids, and one friend with two kids by two different men…and she was 16.
I was a virgin for a couple of reasons, the main one being I was terrified of getting pregnant and getting stuck in that small town in the middle of Saskatchewan. The other reason? I never had a boyfriend in high school, and I was sort of waiting for it to be special.
However, just before I turned 21, I got tired of waiting to fall in love. I got tired of being told I was ‘pretty’ and being treated like eveyrone’s little sisiter. So I went out, got drunk, and took home a guy that seemed pretty nice. He was a nice guy. He was gentle, and after he relieved me of my virgintity I had a hell of a time getting rid of him…(but that’s another story). What I’m wondering now is…. if everyone else waffles between how special they think sex is?
I mean, I used to think it was magical to share your body with someone you cared for…. then, for a brief time I didn’t really care. Iit was sex, it was excercise. It was fun.
Then, with lovers, or bed buddies, I found a balance. I can have a casual relationship, and good sex, but it’s still not that special. Now, at times I think about abstaining, sounds wierd for an erotica writer, huh? I tell myself that if I am celibate and I value myself…that a man will come along who values me too. Then I get fed up , or lonely, and calling an old Bed Buddy up makes me feel better. For a while.
Is this abnormal? Is it abnormal that I think about sex so much? To think that maybe if I’d stayed a virgin I’d have found MR. Right? Or would I be the 35 year old virgin? Nah! That woudl never happen. LOL
Maybe I think about it so much because I’m single? I don’t think it’s becasue I write about it. But really, it might be.
Anyway, I really had no point to this blog..I’ve just talked about writing so much lately, that I felt like a change of pace. I wanted to share some thoughts with you.
I think sex is as special as you make it. I was like you in high school. I had friends who were let’s just say promiscious to be nice, a few kids I knew were pregnant in their senior year. I had heard all my sister’s terrible stories of sex with different guys who didn’t care about her. So I was saving myself, problem was no one I liked liked me, so losing my virginity before graduation seemed hopeless. until one night I double dated with my best friend at the time. The guys she set me up with was the best friend of her boyfriend, she told him that I wanted him to take my virginity because I was tired of being a virgin. I thought he really liked me and then the next day he blew me off totally. But later it seems fate had a plan because I ended up with her boyfriend, who is now my husband and the father of my two kids.
My dh was my first and only and we’ve now been married for 20 years. I was 19 when we got together, and obviously I picked the right man. 🙂 I think it is special, but I also think that if the woman hasn’t found the right man for her heart, it’s okay to enjoy sexual pleasure. It’s completely healthy and acceptable. I just have no experience despite the fact that I write erotic romance. LOL
I had a hell of a time getting laid. Seriously. I went to a deeply conservative private high school. Then a deeply conservative religious college. Then Boise State University. In the theatre department. Boy, was that an eye opener. And still I could not find anyone I liked enough to do this special thing with.
Even the couple of young men I dated proved hesitant to change my virgin state. They said it was too special for just anyone to do it. I think they were actually afraid that if they slept with me, they’d be obligated to marry me. LOL!
I was a couple of months shy of 22 when I finally had my first experience. Come to find out, he was actually asleep when we did it. I kid you not. Dude was asleep. Woke up in the middle of the act just mortified. It took me months to realize it, though.
Still, I only slept with one other guy before dh and felt just awful about it. Sex with no strings, but it didn’t feel right, even though he was fantastic. After I met dh, I didn’t even look back.
The point of this ramble is that sex can be great and still not special. It’s only special for me if it’s something I can give everything to, including my heart.
My story is exactly the same as Cheyenne’s (ages and everything else) except we’ve only been married for 10 years. Though before I married, I was a kissing whore.