I love my cp and spirit sister Beth. I sent her a chapter form my WIP last night and she responded with “Wonderful, fantastic, tremendous! I love it – that was hot and intriguing.”
How can I not keep going when I hear things like that?
I mean, I’m all for constructive critisism, and she does give me that too…but sometimes Praise is just the tonic that’s needed.
Now, the WIP is titled WATCH ME, and it’s about a married woman that’s not feeling so attractive to her husband and she discovers that being abit of an exhibitionist makes her feel sexy and desirable again.
I’ve never been married, or even in a serious relationship, but I have definitely had days, weeks and months when I feel completely and utterly unattractive. I’m sure we’ve all had those times. And the thing is, it’s not always to do with looks. It’s all about how you feel.
And on some days, being the sassy bartender and having men lined up on the wood to flirt with while I serve them drinks makes me feel like a Queen. And on other days, Having all those men lined up and fliritng with me makes me wonder why they all flirt, but none ever actually ask me out. Then I start to feel down. The really silly thing is, that even if they did ask me out,there’s only one or two of them that I find attractive enough to say yes to. SO why should it bother me that they don’t ask me out?
Isn’t the female mind a weird thing? I mean, I know this all sounds like complete babble, but I know that some of you have to understand what it is I’m saying here.
Right? 😐
The question is ….When have we crossed the line from looking to how others see us, or our writing, to reassure ourselves of what we already know . . . to making ourselves feel valued.
Love right back at you girl *kiss*
I meant every word of my e-mail. WATCH ME is hot and intriguing.
Okay, now to your topic… I know exactly what you mean. We all, as human beings, need validation and assurance of our worth. Whether it’s a child telling us ‘I love you’ or a stranger winking at you. Our self-esteem can depend on that reinforcement.
In a perfect world, we wouldn’t need others to validate us, but unfortunately, I ain’t perfect and I need that validation. I need to feel attractive, smart, talented, and sexy. I can tell myself that a million times, and it won’t have as much impact as hearing it from someone else.
So, Sasha, you are a wonderful, talented writer and a good friend. Love ya sister. *hugs*
I get that we all need valdation . It’s normal. But I also think some peoepl start to depend on outside validaationtoo much, and it can hurt them, emotionally, as a person.
Can you tell I watched Oprah yesterday? 🙄
I agree, Sasha. It’s dangerous to need that validation from an outside source. What happens when that source is gone?
i don’t know – I don’t have a lot of that outside validation. Being stuck here with mother keeps me very isolated and there are days when I feel like a real slug. You really don’t want me to get into this – I’ll just go back to watching Dr. Phil.
:sad:yes that is so true, i know now, ive always depended on what others SAW when they looked at me and how the repsonded to how i felt, o a tight pair of blue jeans, tshirt, hair hitting my waist, got preg , felt horrible, had baby, lost weight WOW men like me again, had 2nd baby, losing weight,, got noraplnt,, ballooned to 190 from 125 (thought 125 that was FAT~ wouldnt i stupid!) lost some weight, it bounced, got preg with 3rd, never lost weight again. never felt like i mattered or was pretty , was a mom, just that, i quit wearing makeup, gave up dressing even decently, just grab whatever, didnt matter if match or even clean (hey i was a nobody since men didnt think i was attractive ) but turns out it was all ME
how i thought i was worthy of guy flirting, yep would like to have a guy flirt so could ignore or AH look at him, aint he a lout ,lol
:oops:sorry that was so long
Oh I hear ya! Aren’t we in the same boat. Never married, and my longest relationship lasted… um, three months? I am not good on relationships. But to have men flirt does give us validation. It’s why I end up flirting with some random guy who flirts with my through my blog. I’ve gotten so tired of the process. Of hoping ‘this guy will be different’ I’ve gone into shut down mode. Where I don’t get past the ‘he’s cute’ part. It’s he’s cute. Period. Move on. I don’t know, it adds to my fantasies though, which transfers into my books. Someday I may meet ‘the one’, but until then I’ve got my writing and a vibrator 😆
I *need* to hear positive things about my work from my cp’s. If I don’t I get down because then I feel like my work must be crap. I, as the insecures author, need some kind of positive feedback which energizes me. A rah rah kind of thing. LOL
I agree with that Chey. When I’m writing it, I like to have a cheerleader. ONe who will still tell me if I go way off track. But basically someone to keep me moving forward and let me know that it doesn’t suck. Because when I’m writing, I think everything sucks. LOL
But once it’s written, then it’s time to get to the nitty gritty. That’s when it’s okay to tell me what needs to be fixed, along with what is already good. 😀
I agree that we all like the strong sense of self a generous validation, comment or flirt gives us. But some of us don’t need it on a constant basis. When it comes to writing, of course, you love when someone likes your stuff or gives you a well done pat on the back when you get the call from a publisher. I got one book published and am freaking out more on the second submission to my publisher than I did with the first, because now I know there are people out there willing to buy and read my stuff. I don’t want to let them down, so when my CP emails me and says stop worrying it’s amazing, I smile through my fear of rejection and hope for the best. A wink from a good looking guy, or even just an I love you out of the blue from my husband is something that can bring my ego to sky roocketing. So yeah we all have our blah days (even guys I think) but it usually takes just a small gesture to bring us back on line. 🙄