I’ve always known I have a bit of an obseissive personality. When I go after things – be it martial arts, traveling or writing – I tend to go after them hard. I’ve also always sort of realized that this might be why I’m still single. I get asked that a lot, why am I still single? Right now I think I know the answer.
It’s the all or nothing thing in my personality.
Remember the guy I had dinner with the other day? The no real butterflies guy? Well, I’ve spend the last few days trying to get to know him more and to let him know me, trying to keep things moving forward…and it happened.
I tend to either not be able to open up, or I open up and get to agressive. I even told him this when we first started talking about relationships and such. And here I go doing it again, getting agressive and pushing my way right out of what I am trying to get into. And even though he hasn’t come out and said forget it, I can feel myself going completely back in the other direction. Meaning, I’m out.
I can’t do the half way thing. I’m not sure if it’s because I truly believe if there is ever going to be something solid, that there needs to be a connection, a desire for there to be something, for both people, from the start. I guess I figure that if/when I ever find the one, my being agresive won’t scarwe him off, and my backing off won’t stop him from chasing me. Or if it’s because I’ve no patience, or maybe it’s just my own short attention span?
Whatever the reason, I think I’m giving up again. I’ve given up before, shut down and buried myself in my stories, or whatever it is I decide to focus on. I eventually get too lonely and give things another go…but part of me wonders just how many times I can do that before I stop giving it another go completely.
And you know what’s really funny about this all… for the last three months and old lover has been emailing me and trying to get back together, but I am just not intersted at all. This tells me it’s not just a man I want, but a special man.
That’s good, right?
Ah, honey, I’m sorry it didn’t work for you. I am a person that goes with her instincts so if yours were saying “no way” then you definitely did the right thing.
Mr. right is out there somewhere, thinking the same thing about relationships as you.
Yes, that is good. Means you know what you want, and you aren’t willing to compromise/cheat yourself out of it.
((hugs)) that this one didn’t work out though.
Thank You, my friends. I’m a little disapointed that things didn’t go further with this guy, but there were obvious signs of us not being able to connect or communicate well together. But Hey, at least this went further (emotionally) than any of the others in a long time! :great:
sorry it did not work out, but remember this now that he is gone u can think . hey the one thats for me for real, is one step away from him finding me.
congratulations would probably be more apropriate than sorry it didnt work out with someone that if not for moments of clarity and the lessons that this journey we call life teaches us with every awakening day all the while without a clue we are slowly given the tools it takes us to get through life without getting our teeth kicked in or our hearts getting broke and this goes for the business,friendship or that four letter word we call love or possible love,SO I SAY,VERY GOOD SASHA,WAY TO GO !!and as we grow old remember these tools of life did not come without blood,sweat and tears so this is the very reason to be true to yourself along with integrity,honesty and a kind heart and spirit there are no better tools than these to help us on our journey,so SASHA as i leave you all with these closing words remember revenge and being vindictive is never sweet and always leaves a bad taste in your mouth and if we really thought it out instant karma is what we hope for and sooner or later stealth like there it is karma just like that,yes patience is a virture,so throw it in with the rest of these lessons or tools we collected on our journey,so none of us never have to be like the 90 year old man wondering as he looked back on his life and not pleased and overwhelmed with disapointment of others not with himself he never realized at some point in his life maybe he loaned out a tool here and another there,broke a couple and never thought to replace or keep adding to this very nondiscript tool box full of lessons learned,realizing what will and will not work with ourselves or others and choices we make can effect us and others we love for the rest of our life,so everyday smile at someone and say a kind word and more than likley no one will notice but i promise you , you will notice how much better you feel each and every time,i grew up in a house of a grandmother my mother and 4 older sisters yes i had a dad and a brother they passed when i was still in high school but the point is if you add up all the marraiges or maybe we need to add up the divorces same thing the grand total comes to 19,so all the smoke and mirrors would of made a difference,sasha you are a very wise lady tools and all!!!…Robbie [remember only a fool expects love,a true romantic just wants to love] :