Confession

Confession

I have a confession. Sometimes I think about quitting writing.

This isn’t going to be a post full of doubts about myself, sales, talent, or luck . . . or anything like that. It’s about desires. And hopes for the future.

I don’t know if I’d quit writing completely, or just quite trying to make a career out of it. And I don’t think about quiting because it’s hard (even thought it can be) or because I don’t like writing, because I do. Sometimes I even love it.

It’s because I have a hard time balancing my life. I tend to be a bit of an obsessive personality, and I like to really focus on what I’m doing. It’s always worked well for me before, but for the last couple of years I’ve found it hard to split my focus between my night job that pays the bills, weight loss and a battle for a healthy body, and my writing, something that I love to do and hope I can build a solid future on.

At other times I think about quitting my night job, quitting the gym and becoming a complete writing hermit. I can clearly imagine myself sitting at a my computer all day and night eating potatoe chips and chocolate. And the occasional pizza. If I did this I could let my imagination run wild, and write stories full of hot sex and satisfying endings even if not the “traditional” Happy Ever After.

Strangely, the only thing that keeps me from becoming a hermit and living in my own little world is the HOPE that someday, I’ll actually find someone to share my life with. Someone that just maybe I can find a satisfying, if not traditional, ever after with.

And I can’t meet that someone if I become a complete hermit.

21 Comments

  1. I vote for the writing, chips, chocolate, and pizza. 🙂

    Just kidding, hon.
    Ok–HALF kidding.

    Yes, it’s hard to find a balance in life whether you’re a writer or not. If you give your all to one thing, you neglect others that are just as important. 🙁

    My guess is you have to choose your priorities carefully, and take it from there.

    A wise person once told me, "In life, you can have anything you want. You just can’t have EVERYTHING you want."

  2. Sasha

    But . . but.. . I want it all!!

    No that’s ok. I don’t really want it all. I’d be happy just writing and working out. Unfortunatley I’m not at the point where My bank would be happy with me doing that. :crazy:

    YET! 😀

  3. Just remember there’s a light at the end of that tunnel!

    I think the only thing that keeps me from being a hermit is the boys but honestly I LIKE being alone. Not that I wanna be alone all the time but most of the time I enjoy it.

    Cece
    ~who seriously needs to start getting up early adn walking again.

  4. Sasha

    I like my own company too.In fact, I love living alone. But occasionally, it would be nice tohave someone other than Mystery to talk to. 🙂

    I guess I worry that I’d turn into that crazy fat lady with all the cats. (Eventhough I only have one, you knwo what I mean.)

  5. Oh, sweetie, I know what you mean. Sometimes it’s incredibly hard to write – but I have to force it, get past that seemingly unsurmountable hill and continue. Life is crazy with me – every waking moment is jampacked.
    I sit back and think "am I happy?" and the answer is usually yes. Would I be a full-time novelist if I could? Hell, yes! Bring on the potato chips, pizza, and chocolate. I am SO ready. :rolleyes:

  6. I’ve always liked being a hermit. My husband is really good about letting me have my alone time, because I go a little crazy if I don’t.

    So now we’ve just got to find you someone who’ll let you keep your hermit-like tendencies. And you will – I just know it. 🙂

  7. Oh boy, do I know what you mean!

    I am keeping my day job for the insurance and security, but moreso becuase if not, I’d be sitting in this apartment all day and would soon lose any of the vitality that makes me capable of writing about people at all.

    Still, in months like these, when all I do is get up, go to work, write on the metro, work, write at lunch, work, go home, write on the metro, get home, kiss the boyfriend, write until i go to sleep, sleep — I think it would be nice to have more freedom.

  8. Paula

    I know the feeling of trying to juggle everything. After a short reprieve it is back to running fro sport to sport with my son, school homework for two kids this year (my baby goes off to Kindergarten tomorrow), working full-time and now…I GOT PUBLISHED BY NEW CONCEPTS PUBLISHING!!!!! So now I have to work twice as hard at writing to continue having stories coming out through them. I have like 12 different novels started but I think I have like adult ADD or something. Some juggling things in life seems to be a pattern most women are forced to muddle through if they want to have the ANYthing in life we all search for! Good luck to all of us. 😉

  9. Sasha

    Losing the vitality!! That’s exactly it. While I love all aspects of what I do . . . I hate depending on my night job. I actually love the job though because I meet so many intersting people, and it’s very social. I love working out because of the way it makes me feel. But I also love writing. I usually immerse myself in whatever I love to do, to the exxclusion of all other things, but now, I’m finding that I can’t choose…it’s just a new thing for me is all. 😉

  10. HEY!!
    We fat ladies with cats have feelings too, y’know!! :angry:

    As for ‘losing the vitality’—very hermit-like myself, I realize you need to be around people to keep that ‘connection’.
    However, I’d prefer it be in a way I’d ENJOY, something I did for pleasure–not because I HAD to.
    And writing full-time would be wonderful… :satisfied:

  11. *counts cats, considers the scale* OK, moving on! This is about you. 😛

    I say become a hermit and fall in love with the guy who delivers the pizza, who’s got the night job to cover the bills while he waits for his book to come out…you’ll live happily ever after, and maybe even collaborate. 😀

  12. Sasha, I hear ya, loud and clear. While I have a great job with so many wonderful holidays (I really do love teaching :P) I could so easily chuck it all in and just write.

    But let me relay this: last holidays, I tried the "full time writer" thing and it nearly drove me crazy. I learned I absolutely had to get out of the house, interact with others and keep up the gym routine. Without those, I was a little nutty.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love my own company :hehe: and I love the freedom to write, but I so need balance.

    Oh, and a man who’ll share that with me would be good too 😉

  13. Camille

    Hiya Babe! You crack me up! Fat lady with a cat! 😛 You could never be a hermit…As much as you love writing and your own company, power tools get boring after a while and you’d have to go find a real man. :laugh: :hehe: :laugh: I hear you though, life has been so insane around here that I would LOVE to just go to some writer’s retreat for a month or two and finish all the things I have on the go and start all the other’s in my head. That said, I’m still thinking about the fat lady and the cat thing as my cat jumps on my lap and tries to eat my chocolate bar…this is not a good sign is it? 😉

  14. From one fat lady with the cats to another… a few things.

    a) Give it time. You’re going through some wild and wonderful writing career developments, but they take time, too

    b) Live in the Now, Man! 😉 There will come a time, no doubt, when you will look back and long for the time to work a few hours down the bar…. Take what life has to offer Right Now and enjoy it
    c)It’s okay to think about giving up. I do. Just don’t do it. 😉
    d) Find a way of making writing a more social thing. When time allows, go out and give talks, build a relationship with local bookstores and libraries

    Just my take. Except the Give It Time thing. That’s compulsory. 😉

    Love ya.

  15. I like Anna’s advice–said the fat lady with two cats. 😉
    Seriously get an active dog that needs walking. I’m a fine one to talk. I have a park ten minutes (walking) from my house, but frankly I deal with people and demands on me so much that when the kids are gone I could care less. I remember telling Jaye one weekend all i wanted to hear was "your movies are due back sunday" and "thank you come again" :hehe:

  16. I seriously considered quitting a few months ago. I believe the only reason I didn’t walk away was because I had nothing to go to. There isn’t anything else I can think of that I want to do with my life, so I stuck it out.

  17. Dianna

    Healthier snacks would be could :hehe:, a thread mill and an ab flexer at home…you can edit or plot while working out. I plot while I walk, unforunatly it doesn’t always get on to the page and it distracts me when I am playing golf.
    I have a neice who is disperate to find a husband because she hates cats. :laugh:

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