Secret Thoughts

It’s the middle of the night, or early morning Sunday, and I can’t fall asleep because my mind is racing. This blog is titled “Sasha’s Secret Thoughts” and I feel the pressing need to share my jumbled thoughts. I don’t know how else to get my mind to stop racing.

I’m in the middle of a bad situation, and I don’t know how to handle it. You see, I have a lot of acquaintances, and a few people I call “friend” but I only have three Best Friends. One of who is my Mom, who I felt the need to protect and defend on Friday, and another is V, who I have the urge to protect and defend right now.

It all started with the fact that we need a new bartender at work.

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My boss had hired one new guy, and he worked on Wednesday night, but phoned on Thursday and said he didn’t want the job. (This is where the coincidences start to pile up) When I went into work on Thursday night, I was told he’d called and quite, but when the manager came out and announced this that a good-looking guy that just happened to be sitting at the bar at the time heard this, he pulled out a resume and applied for the job. When T (the daytime bartender) described him to me he sounded perfect. He had experience, not only with bartending and serving, but also with another restaurant of the same chain (which really minimizing the need to train him). He’s good-looking and charming his name is D. After T told me about him, something kept niggling in the back of my head, and then it hit me.

This is the guy that got my best friend V pregnant, and walked out on her. They have a 20-month-old son that he has never seen. She is suing for support, but has a hard time tracking him down.

I wasn’t 100% sure it was the guy I was thinking of, but the cold ball in the pit of my stomach was telling me it was him. I called my boss at home, and mentioned what I was thinking, and she assured me she wasn’t going to hire a male bartender anyway, so I relaxed.

But when I went into work on Friday, after bristling in defense of my Mom and the ‘lady of the nasty phone messages’, my boss told me she’d interviewed him . . . and liked him. He was very charming, “a real talker”.

Was I sure he was who I thought he was? Because she was going to hire him.

No, I wasn’t 100% sure. But I would be as soon as I talked to V and remembered what his last name was. I made a deal with my boss. If it IS him, I’ll be professional, and work with him (He’ll be the bartender on the 2 nights a week I manage) but If one bad word comes out of his mouth about V or single mothers, or anything related to that, I will let him feel “the wrath of Sasha” as she calls it, and she will not hold it against me if he quits because of it.

Now, all night Friday this played on my mind, and the cold ball of dread in my stomach grew. I had a really bad feeling about the whole situation.

First thing today, (Sat) I called up my friend (She now lives in a different city than me) and confirmed that this was the right guy. My instincts were right.

V handled the news a lot better than I did. She said she was sorry that I was put in this situation and not to do anything that could jeopardize my own job. I love her. She also told me that while he was in his interview with my boss on Friday afternoon, he was supposed to be in her city, in court, and he hadn’t showed. She said that she was having a hard time with the support proceedings because every time they tried to “serve” D he wasn’t where he’d told the courts he would be, and he had never showed up at any of the court proceedings.

“Everything happens for a reason.” Maybe he walked into the place where I work, so that I can make sure he gets served with the court papers.

I know a lot about this guy, and it’s going to be very hard for me to work with him without saying…
“I know you got fired from restaurant A, and I know why. I also know that you quit restaurant B because you were about to get fired. I know you have one son that your MOM is raising for you, and that you walked out on the last girlfriend you had that got pregnant. I know that she is suing you for child support, for the son that you have never even bothered to meet, despite the fact that you promised her you would be part of his life, and that on Friday when you were here interviewing for this job, you were supposed to be in court. I know that you think because you are good-looking (and he really is!) and charming that you think you can skate through life without any real consequences for your actions. But I know that you are nothing but a loser, and a DEAD BEAT DAD!”

Whew, I feel better after just writing that! 🙂

The big thing for me is . . . I strive to keep my personal life out of my work place. I try very hard not get involved in any of the drama that always takes place in this industry. Yet, here is something that is very personal to me, which I’m not sure I’ll be able to avoid. As I lay in bed earlier tonight, I prayed that my boss would change her mind, or that D would turn down the job offer. I don’t run from confrontations, but I really do try to avoid them. And I’m actually scared that I will not be able to avoid this one. Maybe if I just keep venting my personal “Secret thoughts” on here, I can continue to keep my private life out of the work place. After all, V handled the news much better than me…in fact, she was more worried about me losing it on him, and losing my job in the process than she was about anything else. So if she can handle it, after everything she’s been through in the last two years, maybe I can too.