(This post was written on the long flight home yesterday on my NEO)
I’m on the plane on the way home from RWA Nationals in Atlanta this year and after writing in my little notebook until my pen ran out of ink I got up and got my NEO out from the overhead compartment.
As I sat staring out the window at the blue sky above me and the white clouds below me, it hit me how truly blessed I’ve been. Not only have I experienced so many wonderful things in my life before I ever decided to chase the career of a writer, but after the last couple of years doubting if this was the “right” direction for me, I know now it is.
You see, when I was growing up my family moved around a lot. I don’t have a “home town” because we used to move every year or two, until I hit high school. Then we stayed in one place until my brother and I graduated from High school. That six years in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan was probably the start of my true self awareness. Because as much a I longed to belong and find my niche, it never happened. Blame it on teenage angst or whatever you want, but I never felt at home with all those kids who had known each other since grade school. Two weeks after I graduatued I was out of there and I’ve never been back.
I have several nicknames, one if them, and the one that I feel is the best suited to the real me is Gypsy. I was given that nckname because even though I never HAD to continue moving around, I couldn’t stop myself. After a couple of months, a year at the most, at one job, I was bored and moving on. After a year, maybe two in one city, I was moving on. Then I strated to travel internationally. I’ve been through the U.K, Asia, Africa, Mexico and some Europe. Those trips with my backpack are what kept me sane enough to live in one place for more than 5 years.
Finally, when I decided to pursue writing as a career four years ago, I told myself I could write anywhere, I just needed a laptop. Yet, the urge to travel and keep searching for that place where I belong has … not really subsided… but almost disappated. It’s faded into the shadowed part of my soul where my hope of true love lives more often than not. There are days when I acknowledge that I’ve felt as if I were fading away. For some time, as my writing becomes more and more important inmy life, I’ve also felt,deep down, that I was losing my true self. My drive, my spirit, my joy in life was slowly disappearing…and I realize now what was happening.
You know how some people are complete opposites? Well, I am complete opposites inside. Part of me loves to be the social animal. I lovee to meet people, chat, party and live life. Another part of me loves to hermit. I enjoy my ME time. Sometimes I hate people. I want to be alone and quiet. But, as with everything else in life, too much of one thing is never good. So now I realize that just because I’ve spent so much time alone that I was worried I was losing me – the outgoing me who loved people – it didn’t happen. She’s still there inside me, and she came roaring to the forefront this past week and reminded me that it doesn’t matter where I live or if I have a “home town” or not. I have a home. And home is whereever I want it to be, because I have friends all over the world, and the internet helps us stay connected.
This past week in Atlanta has helped to remind me that I DO have true people who give of themselves and honestly care about others in my life. You see, in the last couple of years, I’ve become highly aware of the fact that the people in my day to day life whom I call friend, are not always there for me. It’s not that they are bad people, just that the connection we once had seems to be very thin now. I know it’s just as much my fault as theirs, as I have become more and more of a hermit. Life happens and people change. It worried me that I felt it easier to connect with people online than the ones I work with or see in person on a regular basis. But after meeting so many of the people that I’ve grown close to online, it’s clear to me that there’s a reason I feel connected with them. They “get” me. I’m not sure if it’s because they too are writers and often live in their own heads, or if it’s just that we clicked. Whatever the reason, this past RWA conference was an absolute success in more ways than one because it brought this point home to me.
That said, I was to express my deepest Thanks to some of those people who helped do that, and made my week unforgettable.
Cathryn Fox (and her DH Mark) Cathryn, you are such a wonderful and heartfelt person, I feel blessed to call you my friend.
Lisa Renee Jones and her man Diego, you are both special people. Thank you for all your smiles, they warmed my heart.
Arianna Hart, it was nice to meet you last year, but this year we actually got to know each other better, and I’m so glad for it. You Rock!
Bloggers who I’ve always felt a connection with, and who met for the first time…only to discover that the connection was very real. Stephanie Tyler ~ What can I say? I love you, chic. You are very real, and when I was with you I truly felt like I was inthe company of a best friend.
Larissa Ione, I’ve always known you were intelligent and witty, but in person, you are that…and so much more.
Jordan Summers. You surprised me at first, but really, you shouldn’t have. You’ve always been very sincere and upfront, and I admire that. I can see us maybe having some heated debates in the future that we would both enjoy. In fact, I think we are even more alike than I’d originally thought! It was wonderful to meet you in person, and you need to know I value your friendship.
My Allure Sisters. Myla and Delilah. I didn’t get to spend as much time as I would’ve liked with you ladies, but it was enough to learn that you are wonderfully strong women who I am proud to be friends with.
Sylvia Day. Girl, we’ve known each other a few years now, and we’ve spent a lot of time together online and in person. Yet, you still manage to surprise me. You’re an amazing businesswoman, a great writer, and you’ve got a good heart. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
I also met so many other wonderful people … Alison Kent and her husband, Walt. Michelle Willingham, Tess Harrison, Julie Cohen, Sela (Who I did NOT get to spend enough time with this year!) There were Struggling Writers and Divas galore. To many to mention, although I wish I could. Thank you all for making my conference experience so wonderful. And others who introduced themselves at my signings!!
Last, but certainly not least…Beth Williamson and Vivi Anna. My two room-mates, and co-horts throughout the conference. I can’t thank you enough for being so supportive and honestly happy for everything that has happened. You two Wild Women have brought it home to me that it’s alright to open up and let others in, and to be myself at all times. Thank You!
