Sasha White

Really, is it a surprise I like this song? Playful, sexy, and catchy. It doesn’t hurt that Katie Perry is beautiful.. I’d kiss her.

On Saturday night I was working the early shift, and my first table walked in about 5 minutes after I did. It was a couple, a guy and a girl, and I grabbed a couple of menus and went over to take their drink order. I asked the girl first, and when I turned to the guy he was looking at me with a funny /shocked look on his face. And I knew I knew him.
“You know me don’t you?” I asked.
He nodded.
“From where? You look real familiar.”
“We used to date.”
That surprised me, and my next words popped out before I could think. “Really? I don’t remember you.” But I did, sort of. Like I said, I knew I knew him, I just couldn’t place him. And it surprised me we dated, because he was a good looking guy. Black hair, bright blue eyes…
“That a shame,” he said quietly.
I felt like crap. I knew I knew him, and honestly, I don’t date many guys..so this really baffled me.
“What’s your name?”
“Sam”
Heat rushed to my face and my heart stalled for a split second. “Oh, I remember you,” I said softly, feeling a bit of shock myself. “Wow.”
After a second of staring at each other I started to babble, as I often do when faced with a man I like…. “You didn’t have a beard back then. That was like 5- 4 years ago. Wow.”
He just looked at me. “Yeah.” Then he introduced me to his date. Just first names..no ‘this is my girlfriend..or my sister…or who was she????
I asked again what he’d like to drink then ran back to the bar trying desperately not to drown in the memories.

Now I’ll give you a bit of background…very personal background… I met Sam through an online dating site, and it was very casual to start. In fact, unorganized me was actually thinking it was a differnt guy I’d talked to when I went to go meet Sam…although I had talked to him, I got mixed up. But we had an instant connection and I never did meet the guy I’d orginally thought I was going to meet. (Did that make sense?)

Sam was seprated from his wife, lived on his own, and wasn’t looking to get serious. I was just trying to figure out how to DATE because well.. I didn’t know how to do ‘relationships’. I just knew how to do the casual lover thing with guys I either worked with, or met through work in nightclubs. For years, I thought sex was all men ever wanted from me. (and to be fair, in my 20’s, that was all I’d ever wanted form them too) But when I wanted to find a relationship, it seemed I still only found men who wanted only sex, and *I* didn’t know how to get more.

Anyway, Sam and I had great chemistry, and yes, a fantastic sexual relationship…yet he also treated me better than anyone I’d met before. He paid attention to what I said, did thoughtful things like stock his fridge with Rootbeer for me (Which was my addiction at the time). It wasn’t hard for me to fall for him, and ofcourse as soon as I started thinking there might ever be a possiblity for more, I staretd to fuck things up - because I have no clue how to have a real relationship with a guy.

Anyway, after almost a year of casual dating, (and it was casual..I knew he saw other girls. There was never any misleading going on) he decided he was going back to his wife. We continued to talk a bit online, until I realized that I’d never really consider another guy as long as we stayed in touch. I had really, somewhere deep down, let myself believe this guy might be the one.

So I stopped saying Hi when I saw him on MSN, and he never tried to keep things up. And now, almost 5 years later, I was serving him and his date beer and pizza.

It threw me for a loop. Seeing him. I wanted to ask if that was his wife (he wore no wedding ring) I wanted to talk to him, see if he was still doing his art (he did sketching and painting) if he still had his dogs..and if he ever thought about me. *Such a girl thing* Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to chat, or flirt-even when his date left the table and he was alone for a few minutes.

Part of me wonders if he walked into that place, at that time, because we were meant to see each other again - especially since I’ve recently stated that I’m trying to do more ‘living’. Another part of me shrieks “Don’t be a fucking idiot!”

LOL I just had to share because seeing him made it very clear to me what one thing all of the hero’s in my stories have in common. Even when the heroine say’s their done, for whatever reason, the hero never lets her get away. Sure, he often let’s her walk away,but he always follows her shortly after…and then he never lets her go.

Someday maybe I’ll find a man who I want, and who won’t let me walk away.

*Sam was not his name… but I’m going to go with that for safety sake*