Trust Yourself

Trust Yourself

I started out as a completely solitary writer. I had no idea about groups like RWA, or even what a Critique was. I just decided I wanted to be a writer, so I started writing, and submitting. The first story I ever submitted was accepted, and published. And so went the first three or four, then I had one rejection, but sold that story at a later date to a different publisher. This was all done with no one but me reading my stories before they were submitted. I think that my lack of knowledge in the industry was actually beneficial to me, as I had no fear.

After half a dozen short stories were published, I found eHarlequin and started learning about stuff. I joined RWA, excited about meeting other writers (even if it was online) and having people to talk to who ‘got it’ when I talked about a story or character.

However, I soon found that critiques, and contests were not really for me. They wreaked havoc on my confidence because every contest I entered, I had unpublished judges telling me every microscopic thing they thought I was doing wrong – and the only good thing I did was sexual tension.

I started to doubt my writing, my style, and myself. It didn’t matter that a large publisher like Virgin Books had already published me, several times over, and my editor never once mentioned my grammar skills. Yet, what these others said got under my skin.

It took a while, and final semi-temper tantrum to say “Fuck it” and do things my way. A big part of that was reading Julie Leto’s BOOK OF YOUR VOICE article. And when I finally got back to doing things my way, and trusting myself, things fell back into place at an amazing rate.

Less than a year after I decided to trust myself, and write what I wanted how I wanted, I had books sold too both Kensington and Berkley, on proposal, with more contracts incoming.

That first book for Berkley was BOUND, and there were times when I posted excerpts for it on a message board or a private writers loop for feedback. After the first time I did that, I had several responses from unpublished and published authors alike. All telling me that I was breaking too many rules by having the Joe call Katie “˜his little slut’ or “˜dirty little girl’. I was told that first person was the wrong way to do a debut novel for a NY publisher — and many other things. Some of these things were said to me by my favorite authors – Bestselling authors in the genre. It was a struggle to not change things in my book because of these opinions. But, I just reminded myself that my editor hadn’t mentioned anything about any of those things, and she bought the book. I had a beta reader who loved the story, so I trusted my instincts and wrote the story the way the characters wanted it.

Only when I finally decided to forget them, and do things my own way and trust my own instincts, did I start to feel better about what I wrote, and to find real success. I do have a couple of writer friends who are honest. I don’t call them CP’s because they don’t critique for me. They read, and they talk with me. They brainstorm with me, or listen to me whine and moan about a problem…They accept that half the time I’m not going to change anything, I’m still going to do it my way, but I still value their opinions, and they give them. Sometimes I do change things, sometimes not, but what they say definitely keeps me thinking…and I love them for it.

I also have a couple of Beta Readers. I have two because sometimes one is too busy and so on, but I only share the story with one when writing it, because I don’t want too many opinions in my head. These ladies are not writers, and have no wish to be writers. They are readers, and readers see things differently than writers, so I find this very important.

The best beta readers are not family or friends. Maybe a co-worker who you know reads a lot? Or if you blog hop, and read blogs that are not writer blogs, then try them. (There are plenty or Reader blogs, even ACCESS ROMANCE has one. Just start reading it, them maybe email one of the bloggers and ask if they’d be interested in being a beta reader for you.) A friend of a friend… The reason having a non-writer, non-friend is good is because most people buying your books are not writers and not family and friends. These people will be honest in their opinions. At the same time, remember that they are one person, and it is an OPINION. So what they say is not golden either, it’s just a guideline to help you find your own way.

This is what worked for me. If you enjoy working with a critique group, that’s cool too. Just don’t let yourself be carried away by other opinions. When in doubt, do what YOU want, no matter if it is a NYT Best Selling author telling you to do something else, or you BFF. (If it’s your editor, then you need to talk them about why you want to do things your way..and listen to why they want things the other way.)

The most important thing is for you to find where you are comfortable, where you thrive, and where your voice shines through. Trust that YOU know what you are doing. No one knows your characters better than you, and no one knows your story better than you. It is YOUR story, and it will have YOUR name on it. Make sure it’s something YOU are happy with.

No excercises or questions today. But if you comment on this post you’ll be entered to win a copy of WICKED and a copy of SEXY DEVIL from me.

Added:
Because I respect Julie Leto so much, and her article hit home with me, when my first books for New York were ready to be sent out for review, I sent her a copy of the novella THE CRIB (In the PURE SEX anthology) and she gave me a quote that still makes my chest swell with pride.

“The Crib is so smooth and compelling. Raw when it needs to be, romantic and sensual when it needs to be. I just enjoyed the story so much!”USA Today Best Selling Author Julie Leto

(and ps: I’m writing the sequel to THE CRIB right now. It’s going to be in MOST WANTED, a single author anthology from Aphrodisia.)

21 Comments

  1. Thank you so much for writing this Sasha! I’m one of those people who must shut out a (majority of) the Greek Chorus, or freeze up with fear that I’m doing it “all wrong.” This post is going right into my “Inspiration” file folder. (I require frequent reminders and since you’re one of my all-time favorite authors, I’m elated to read this advice). Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! :sport:

  2. Margay

    I suppose trusting yourself is one of the most important things we can do as authors – that is how we will stay true to ourselves and what we put out into the market. Another great post, Sasha!

  3. I think that my lack of knowledge in the industry was actually beneficial to me, as I had no fear.

    I agree 100% with this statement. It wasn’t until very recently that I had issues doing my thing. It was about the time I started taking every suggestion, every comment, every demand to heart.

    I just finished reading that article for book of my heart you linked to. GREAT article! Thanks!

  4. Laurie Kap

    Sasha –
    Thank you so much for this article!!!
    It’s so true what you said. I wasn’t nearly as worried about what I wrote until I joined a writing group and got a CP – now I worry about every little period or comma.
    I also have a Beta reader– she gives me great insight to my ms from a different perspective than my CP.
    I don’t do contests because I know my self esteem couldn’t handle all that bashing (PC or otherwise). I also understand reading is a speculative sport – everyone has their own opinions on what is good and what is not.
    Julie Leto is part of the writing group I belong to and she is just fabulous – I know she practices what she preaches!!!
    Thanks for helping us all see what we have inside of us is more important than anything else we hear.
    Laurie K

  5. Hi Catie, I’m so glad you could get something out of this.

    I have ‘inspiration’ folder too. It’s a good way to remind yourself of things and I’m flattered you’ll put this in there. I hope it helps you stay true.

  6. HI Mandy, Glad you enjoyed it. I remember reading that article years ago, and going “YES! See, I’m not the only one!” I’m so glad Julie has kept it up on her site, because I go back and re-read often. It’s too easy to forget ourselves in this business.

  7. Laurie. I love Julie Leto. :inlove:

    Seriously, her article was something I desperately needed at the time, and since then I’ve chatted with her a time or two. (She was even gracious enough to read my first novel and novella and give me an awesome quote…it’s now at the bottom of the post above. LOL ) The woman is true of heart and spirit, and talented to boot.

  8. Great workshop Sasha. I think it’s so important for writers to trust their instincts and their own voice, and never let anyone trample over that. Sometimes we get great, useful advice, and other times that inner voice tells us what we’re hearing isn’t useful. Gut instinct is a wonderful thing.

  9. HI Jaci! Glad you liked it. You have a strong voice, and I’m sure you’ve experience following your own instincts when others say something else. WHen what you stick with works, it’s a great feeling isn’t it?

  10. Laurie Kap

    Just wanted to share – I am taking all of your great advise in these workshops Sasha and am applying them.
    Went to Starbucks at lunch today and started re-writing a book that was supposed to be erotica and somehow it was going more mainstream romance – not how it was in my head.
    I’m trusting myself and my characters and I’m just writing. Of course I had to come back to work, but I did take a little longer and wrote for 1.5 hours and I like the ms again.
    Thanks so much :inlove:
    Laurie

  11. Ann

    This is probably the hardest lesson to learn for anyone (even non-writers): trust yourself. I’m still working on this one. English majors are especially dangerous to writers. :duell:

    I don’t let anyone read my writing (fiction or non-fiction) until I’m happy with it or unless I’m stuck. And then I give it to my other half who is a reader, not a writer. Once I managed to convince him that I do want more than “this is great, honey” he turned into a very valuable resource.

    I’d much rather hear from a reader “I don’t understand” or “I didn’t believe this” or “why did character A do that” than have a writer tell me my word choice is wrong, that comma is in the wrong place or anything along the lines of I’m not “canlit” enough.

  12. Rhonda

    You hit the nail on the head here. I agree 100%. Thanks for the link, great article. I was away from writing for a few years and when I started back writing, it was with a short off the cuff kind of thing that turned out to be a really great boost for me. It was shortly after that I wrote an article for my local chapter’s newsletter with a similar statement. That was a year ago and people still tell my how much they appreciated my sharing it with them — funny — it’s titled “Forget the Stuff & Just Write” .

  13. Lisa T.

    Sometimes, trusting yourself, is harder than anything else about the process. You care so much about the work and want to make it right, that sometimes you take paths you shouldn’t because you don’t know any better.

    Nobody tells you to trust yourself. They tell you to follow this set of rules, read these books on writing and never, ever do this certain thing or you’ll never get published. Thank you for not only saying it but showing what can happen when you do.

    Thank you, Sasha for sharing your knowledge and experiences with us. You’ve been very generous.

  14. Sasha, this is so true. Nothing’s worse than a story that’s suffering from Too Many Cooks syndrome, rewritten to please everybody until there’s no spark of life left in it. I occasionally get a test read, but for the most part the first person to read whatever I’ve finished is the editor who bought it.

  15. I think you hit the nail square on the head with this one. At one point I got too concerned with what other people thought and ended up almost losing myself completely. Thankfully I’ve got a very supportive network of friends & family who helped me figure out that yes, I am a good writer!

    I still have issues with confidence in myself and my abilities, but I think every person does. Some people are just more extreme than others. 🙂

  16. I think this insecurity is something we all fight with. Its natural because as much as we love to write, we love it even more when readers love what we write.

    However, I also think it’s too easy to lose yourself in all the opinions, “insights” and advice given. People don’t give advice or critique to screw you up, but everyone has opinions, and their opinion might not always be yours, and thats what we need to remember. It’s your book and your career … so stick to your story and style.

  17. Scarlet Y Wharton

    I’m back and decided to catch up on my author blogs….Shayla’s had the trailer for the new HP, Half Blood Prince. Yours is helping me along with second guessing what I’ve written so far. Thanks Sasha!

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