When I was a kid, and a teenager… I wanted love. I thinkI was the only virgin in my high school graduating class. I had several friends with kids, and one friend with two kids by two different men…and she was 16.
I was a virgin for a couple of reasons, the main one being I was terrified of getting pregnant and getting stuck in that small town in the middle of Saskatchewan. The other reason? I never had a boyfriend in high school, and I was sort of waiting for it to be special.
However, just before I turned 21, I got tired of waiting to fall in love. I got tired of being told I was ‘pretty’ and being treated like eveyrone’s little sisiter. So I went out, got drunk, and took home a guy that seemed pretty nice. He was a nice guy. He was gentle, and after he relieved me of my virgintity I had a hell of a time getting rid of him…(but that’s another story). What I’m wondering now is…. if everyone else waffles between how special they think sex is?
I mean, I used to think it was magical to share your body with someone you cared for…. then, for a brief time I didn’t really care. Iit was sex, it was excercise. It was fun.
Then, with lovers, or bed buddies, I found a balance. I can have a casual relationship, and good sex, but it’s still not that special. Now, at times I think about abstaining, sounds wierd for an erotica writer, huh? I tell myself that if I am celibate and I value myself…that a man will come along who values me too. Then I get fed up , or lonely, and calling an old Bed Buddy up makes me feel better. For a while.
Is this abnormal? Is it abnormal that I think about sex so much? To think that maybe if I’d stayed a virgin I’d have found MR. Right? Or would I be the 35 year old virgin? Nah! That woudl never happen. LOL
Maybe I think about it so much because I’m single? I don’t think it’s becasue I write about it. But really, it might be.
Anyway, I really had no point to this blog..I’ve just talked about writing so much lately, that I felt like a change of pace. I wanted to share some thoughts with you.
I think sex is as special as you make it. I was like you in high school. I had friends who were let’s just say promiscious to be nice, a few kids I knew were pregnant in their senior year. I had heard all my sister’s terrible stories of sex with different guys who didn’t care about her. So I was saving myself, problem was no one I liked liked me, so losing my virginity before graduation seemed hopeless. until one night I double dated with my best friend at the time. The guys she set me up with was the best friend of her boyfriend, she told him that I wanted him to take my virginity because I was tired of being a virgin. I thought he really liked me and then the next day he blew me off totally. But later it seems fate had a plan because I ended up with her boyfriend, who is now my husband and the father of my two kids.
by Paula February 9th, 2006 at 11:32 amMy dh was my first and only and we’ve now been married for 20 years. I was 19 when we got together, and obviously I picked the right man. :) I think it is special, but I also think that if the woman hasn’t found the right man for her heart, it’s okay to enjoy sexual pleasure. It’s completely healthy and acceptable. I just have no experience despite the fact that I write erotic romance. LOL
by Cheyenne McCray February 9th, 2006 at 12:14 pmI had a hell of a time getting laid. Seriously. I went to a deeply conservative private high school. Then a deeply conservative religious college. Then Boise State University. In the theatre department. Boy, was that an eye opener. And still I could not find anyone I liked enough to do this special thing with.
Even the couple of young men I dated proved hesitant to change my virgin state. They said it was too special for just anyone to do it. I think they were actually afraid that if they slept with me, they’d be obligated to marry me. LOL!
I was a couple of months shy of 22 when I finally had my first experience. Come to find out, he was actually asleep when we did it. I kid you not. Dude was asleep. Woke up in the middle of the act just mortified. It took me months to realize it, though.
Still, I only slept with one other guy before dh and felt just awful about it. Sex with no strings, but it didn’t feel right, even though he was fantastic. After I met dh, I didn’t even look back.
The point of this ramble is that sex can be great and still not special. It’s only special for me if it’s something I can give everything to, including my heart.
by Sela February 9th, 2006 at 6:32 pmMy story is exactly the same as Cheyenne’s (ages and everything else) except we’ve only been married for 10 years. Though before I married, I was a kissing whore.
by Toni February 14th, 2006 at 9:25 pm