A good friend is happy when their friends get something they want/deserve.
And I am happy. Please don’t think that I’m not happy for my Friends an peers that have achieved a good thing here!! I’m happy for my writing mates that finaled in the Brava contest entries. They definitely deserve any and all rewards that come their way.
Yet, I find myself feeling a bit sorry for myself. I didn’t final; therefore I won’t be getting any rewards.
I know, I know, “It’s a contest, and all contests are subjective. Submit the story directly to Brava anyway.” I hear you. BUT, the fact that I didn’t make the finals in the contest still plays heavy in my mind and keeps me from thinking that my story is Brava’s Style. It’s not that I don’t think it’s good enough, I actually think it is. That’s not to say I didn’t doubt myself about that too, but I sent what I have of the story to Suzanne McMinn, a friend I trust to be honest with me, and she said it was good! She even encouraged me to try and make it into a single title and try for some of the bigger houses such as Berkley! I felt great hearing that from her.
And despite the fact that I’ve had extremely good luck lately, with requests for a manuscript I thought would never see the light of day, and two more short story sales, I find myself feeling a bit GREEN when I think of those writers that did make the finals of the Brava Contest having Kate Duffy read their entries, and getting personal phone calls about what she thought of them. Maybe it’s because Brava is a line that I think I would fit into nicely, or maybe it’s because I’ve never received a CALL. I’ve sold a dozen stories, but not once received a phone call. Maybe that’s why I’m a bit jealous.
Whatever the reason, I don’t begrudge anyone their good luck. It’s earned, and well deserved. I think it’s human nature to also feel a bit let down. Does this make sense? Or am I being a bitch?